You kiss for hours, passionately making out on the couch. When she let you go, her cheeks were red from the lack of breath and her eyes were dark with desire; you never desired anyone like you desire her at that moment. She leans forward, her warm breath tickling your cheek, she licks your ear, making a gasp escape your parted lips. Then, you hear her almost inaudible whisper:
Now, you immediately sober up. How are you supposed to do this?
This sex guide, as you probably already know, will concentrate on the subject of domination. A lot of people love watching porn or reading erotica on the matter, but in real life they struggle. It’s not easy to dominate someone, especially if you have a submissive nature. But don’t worry, it’s not impossible, you just need the right tools to do so.
What is domination?
There are many ways to dominate someone, meaning your partner might be into one of them, but absolutely not into another. Remember, there’s no shame in asking them what they expect of you, as conversation is the crucial factor of a successful sex life. Here’s the list of most common practices used to dominate someone:
- Humiliation – this term is on the thin line between just having fun and actual BDSM. It can mean many things, starting with name-calling, through role play, to golden showers. Not everyone who is submissive will be fine with that, and because of its extreme forms, do not try to attempt it without having a talk first.
- Bondage – a form of BDSM that’s widely popular in various forms. You can start with something as simple as an old tie or a pair of handcuffs, and end with the whole body bondage. If you aren’t sure of your partner’s reaction, you can start by holding them in place and go on from there.
- Slapping or spanking – this is something that more people love that you’d expect. Of course, it doesn’t mean you should hurt your partner, it’s more about the action than the actual pain, although that varies.
- Power play – it’s a type of role play in which one side clearly has an advantage over the other. Some examples are boss and employee, teacher and student, kidnapper and victim or cop and criminal. Use the power dynamics to make your partner do whatever you want.
- Edging or orgasm denial – this practises will make your partner go bonkers with lust. Prioritizing your pleasure and denying them theirs is the ultimate form of domination. You can read more about it in our other sex guide.
- Vanilla with a twist – the easiest option for beginners. Just do it like you usually do, but whilst giving orders to your partner. You can also stop during the intercourse and make them beg for more or express how much they love it. It doesn’t require that much domination from you, but also helps you to ease into the new role.
How to begin?
The good news is that after the first time, it will come more natural. What most people are struggling with is not the action of dominating, but the need to please their partner, instead of just receiving pleasure. It’s hard to understand, but submissive people want to be used, so hide your prejudice and give your partner what they want. If you’re still having doubts, just sit down with them and have a talk about your respective expectations.
If you still think that you can’t overcome your submissive nature, run the lines with yourself. Watch a video on the matter and try to talk dirty, the best would be in front of the mirror. It may be hard to say particular phrases, especially without laughing or blushing, but this way you’ll have an easier time saying it to your partner. You can also join some BDSM discussions and ask more skilled people for advice. Of course, if you don’t have a partner and still want to try something new, you can always hire a professional escort.
What if I can’t do that?
Domination seems like something taboo for many people, they feel blocked and unable to even attempt it, but that’s what conversation is for. You can’t expect to have a fulfilling sex life with your partner, if you don’t talk about your needs, wants and insecurities. Start with something light and build your way up. It’s probably going to be awkward at first, maybe one or both of you will laugh, but practice makes perfect.
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