Tantra has always carried an air of mystery. Once whispered about, tucked into the margins of spiritual books, it’s suddenly finding its way into modern bedrooms. At heart it isn’t strange at all. Tantra means “woven together” in Sanskrit. A weaving of body and spirit. A slower way of meeting yourself, and perhaps, if you choose, meeting another. Some treat it like meditation with skin and breath. Others see it as intimacy drawn out until the line between physical and spiritual blurs.
You don’t need a partner to begin. In fact, Tantra often starts alone — the simple act of listening inwards, of asking what your body wants when the noise of the world finally hushes. From there, you might bring someone close into the practice. But first, it’s about you.
Starting small
Because Tantra is as much a mindset as a touch, the first step isn’t dramatic. It’s the opposite. Quiet time. Letting your thoughts settle. Perhaps a few minutes sitting cross-legged with the phone switched off, the window cracked open, the air cooling your cheeks. Meditation, yes — but not with pressure to achieve anything. Just noticing yourself.
And if you do decide to try with someone, the one thing you’ll need most isn’t incense or soft cushions (though those help). It’s time. If you rush it between meetings or squeeze it into a Tuesday night before bed, it collapses. Tantra asks for slowness, so it’s best kept for evenings with no alarm set for the morning. A room you can control — warm enough, dim enough, free from interruptions — is its stage.
Inviting your partner in
Now, here’s the tender part. Curiosity is yours, but your partner may not share it yet. And you can’t insist. If they don’t feel it, there is no Tantra. So you talk. You tell them what you’ve been reading, why it calls to you. And you make clear: this isn’t about boredom with your love life, it’s about wanting to explore together.
Sometimes you’ll see hesitation in their eyes — is this too strange, too serious? That’s when you remind them it’s meant to be light, playful even. Not a burden or a test. If they say no, you let it go. If they say yes, you listen to what they need in order to feel safe. And then you begin slowly, one step at a time.
Tantra with yourself
There is no rule that says you must wait for another. Practising alone can be illuminating. Start as before: a few minutes of quiet, grounding yourself. Imagine your breath trailing down into the floorboards, rooting you. Then you explore touch — not racing to the usual places, but meandering. A palm across your belly, a stroke of the thigh, the curve of your arm. A slow self-massage. You’re teaching yourself to feel again, without urgency. It isn’t about reaching a peak but about being present in each little wave. For those curious about where awareness can lead, men’s mythical full body orgasm explores a slower path to pleasure that’s more about presence than speed.
Tantra with a partner
When the two of you are ready, it can feel like stepping into a secret world. Begin with stillness — a few shared breaths, eyes held on each other a moment longer than usual. A gentle massage perhaps, oil warming in your hands. The idea is not to get somewhere fast but to linger. Even if you never move beyond kissing, caressing, or simply lying close, that can be Tantra. The intimacy is in the awareness, not the outcome.
Synchronising your breathing is a small trick that makes the connection deeper. It takes practice, and often laughter at first, but eventually your lungs fall into rhythm together. It’s a reminder: you are not just touching, you are sharing time, energy, breath itself. Stillness can be as intimate as touch. A couple’s guide to reconnection through meditation shows how simply sitting together can bring closeness back.
A last thought
Tantra isn’t for everyone. Some will try and find it too slow, too elusive. Others will discover something they didn’t know they were missing: an intimacy that feels almost like prayer. If you’re one of the latter, keep at it. Don’t be discouraged if it feels awkward in the beginning — it often does. We are all so used to rushing, to treating closeness as something quick. Tantra gently resists that, asking us to stay, to breathe, to notice.
And if nothing else, even just the attempt teaches you a little more about your body, and the quiet ways it longs to be loved.
💌 Sophia Hart’s Intimacy Note
Sometimes the bravest thing you can do in love is slow down. Tantra isn’t about performance or endurance — it’s about presence. Try it as an experiment, not a test. Light a candle, turn your phone face down and let yourself wander.