Tips for Having a Sex Talk with Your Partner

In today’s sex guide, we’ll go back to the basics and discuss how and when to talk about sexual topics with a new partner. You have to discuss sexual health concerns, boundaries, kinks and much more. This experience can be both exciting and scary, so we want to make it as easy as possible. It’s important to establish open and honest communication straight from the beginning to ensure that both partners feel comfortable and respected. However, it’s understandable you don’t want to have a “sex talk” on the first date, on the other hand, you shouldn’t wait too long either. Hopefully, the next few paragraphs will help you navigate through these tough topics.

Time and place

Like we mentioned earlier, a first date might not be ideal for a serious and intimate conversation. Neither would be a bedroom where you both already began having fun. Firstly, decide whether the time is right. If you start the subject too early, your partner might feel disrespected, but if you wait too long it might be considered leading on. Everything depends on what you want to discuss. Regardless of the topic, it’s best to choose a neutral and  comfortable setting where both of you can feel safe and open to discuss intimate matters. Building a foundation of trust and comfort with your partner is essential before jumping into more intimate conversations. Start with spending quality time together, getting to know each other and gradually building up trust.

Be sensitive

Remember that everyone has different experiences and preferences when it comes to sexual matters. Try to stay open-minded and understanding, avoid criticising or judging your partner’s desires or interests. Instead, focus on creating a safe space for open dialogue. It’s an opportunity to share your thoughts, desires, and concerns with your partner, and to listen to their perspective as well. Furthermore, approach these conversations with empathy, your partner’s experiences and feelings are just as valid as yours. It’s not about who is right or wrong, but about understanding each other’s perspectives and finding common ground. Trust is another crucial element in these discussions. It’s about feeling safe enough to express your deepest desires and fears without the fear of being judged or rejected. This trust is built over time, through consistent honesty, respect, and understanding. It’s about showing up for each other, even when the conversations get tough. Moreover, these discussions are an opportunity for exploration. They allow you to discover new aspects of your sexuality and your partner’s. This exploration can lead to a deeper understanding of your own desires and boundaries, as well as those of your partner. It can also open up new avenues for pleasure and intimacy that you might not have considered before. However, it’s important to remember that these conversations should never feel forced or uncomfortable. They should be a natural part of your relationship, a continuous dialogue that evolves as you and your partner grow and change. If at any point you or your partner feel uncomfortable, don’t press on it. This open dialogue can help build a deeper connection and understanding between partners. It’s also supposed to be the first step into your sexual journey, keep that in mind before you say one word too much. It’s about respecting each other’s experiences and preferences, and using these conversations as an opportunity to grow and learn together. 

Express yourself

Don’t be afraid to express your own desires and boundaries. If you don’t set clear boundaries from the start, it will be near impossible to set them later. It’s also vital to communicate your own wants, needs, and kinks to your partner. Be clear about what you are comfortable with and what you are not. Remember that in order for your partner to trust you, you also have to trust them. Let them know that their thoughts and feelings are valued and respected. This is also a great opportunity to discuss the importance of consent. Consent is not always forcing yourself onto someone, it can also mean doing things you’re not comfortable with for the sake of your partner. Make sure both of you feel safe expressing your consent or lack thereof at any point of sexual, and not only, activities. If you haven’t previously explored any kinks, it’s a great opportunity to let your partner know you’re willing to do it with them. Check our kink curious sex guide to learn more about fetishes!

Health and safety

Before any sexual action, talk about the importance of practising safe sex and protecting each other’s sexual health. This includes discussing the use of contraceptives, getting tested for sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and establishing boundaries, also about the possible other sexual partners. It’s also essential to respect each other’s personal space and privacy. This includes not pressuring your partner into sharing details they’re uncomfortable with or making decisions they’re not ready for. Remember, everyone has their own pace and comfort level when it comes to sexual activities. Practising safe sex is not just about using contraceptives or getting tested. It’s about creating a safe space where both of you can discuss your desires, fears, and expectations without judgment or pressure. Both of you should feel respected, valued and understand that consent is not a one-time agreement, but a continuous process that can be changed at any time.

Content

The nature of these discussions can vary greatly depending on the individuals involved. However, some key topics to consider include boundaries, sexual health, past experiences, and expectations. It’s important to discuss what you’re comfortable with, what you’re not comfortable with, and what you’re curious about. This can help prevent misunderstandings and ensure that both partners are on the same page. Discussing sexual health is also crucial. This includes talking about contraception, sexually transmitted infections, and regular testing. It’s not just about protecting yourself, but also about protecting your partner. Talking about past experiences can be a sensitive topic, but it can also provide valuable insights into each other’s preferences and boundaries. However, it’s important to approach this topic with respect and understanding, without judgement or criticism. Lastly, discussing expectations can help align your desires and goals. This could involve talking about how often you’d like to have sex, what kind of sexual activities you’re interested in, and what kind of relationship you’re looking for. As you can see, all of these points are vital, this is why you shouldn’t hesitate and have this conversation sooner rather than later.

We know it’s not easy to talk about intimate subjects, it can be nerve-wracking and scary, it’s understandable. However, after reading this sex guide, you should already know how crucial it is. Even taking out important things like sexual health, your partner should still learn about your kinks early on. Try to use this conversation as an opportunity to build a foundation for a strong, mutual-respect based relationship, as well as to share your desires and needs. Remember, open and honest communication is key when discussing sexual topics with a new partner. By creating a safe and non-judgmental space, you can establish a foundation of trust and intimacy in your relationship. Have fun and stay safe!